My Rider

For those of us not "in the know" perhaps you could explain what a "rider" is?

Perhaps you should soft rock a cover of Groove is in the Heart.

A rider is a line in a contract about requirements the venue must meet for the performer to perform there. Often time performers put obscure things in them to make sure that the venue management are actually reading the whole thing. A famous one is a bowl of m&m's with all the green ones picked out, if I remember correctly.

-sv

"Ate a BBQ pork sandwich, by mistake."

You're a STAR, JoCo! You don't have to put up with that. If you *order* fried peanut butter and banana you should *get* fried peanut butter and banana.

Does the rider actually include "beautiful white bowl", or just the Doritos?

BTW, I heard a clip from "Ikea" on the radio today. It was WCBS NewsRadio 880 AM and they were teasing the story about some guy who's going to live in an IKEA store for a week. They used the song to intro the tease.

Woo Hoo! JoCo goes Mainstream! :-)

yeah for doritos in white bowls!

...s o.. if terer were no Doritos, then there was no JoCo????
How can you be sure of the Authenticity if the fore mentioned chips?
AND...
Are there any ROBOTS or MONKEYS in this... 'rider'????
HmMMMM?
®

That some guy, if I remember correctly, is Mark Malkoff...who's also the audience coordinator for the colbert report? I think so. He did the 171 Starbucks thing, right?

Back when I worked in France, I had the pleasure of lining up acts for a city festival. Some of the riders were real pieces of work. One of our acts actually walked because we were unable to locate and install a pink toilet seat in the "loge" we had built for them at an open-air venue. JoCo should feel free to be more adventurous with his requests. These places will probably indulge him.

The Flying Karamazov Brothers rider always includes non-menthol shaving cream (for a potential "pie-in-the-face" without the stingy stuff - Gillette meringue they call it) and a box of non-lubricated condoms for their wireless mic packs. In Utah the theater refused to provide the condoms, even when it was explained what they were for. Stupid Mormons.

I'm pretty sure the green M&Ms was Van Halen.

Possibly the best rider of all time, though, is Iggy Pop's - I'm having trouble reaching the Smoking Gun site at the moment, but here's their blurb about it from Google cache:

Lust For Laughs
Iggy Pop's concert rider funniest in rock history?

OCTOBER 4-- As if you need another reason to love Iggy Pop, the veteran rocker (and his band The Stooges) have the single most entertaining concert rider TSG has ever obtained. The document--all 18 pages of which you'll find below--describes Iggy's requirements in terms of amplifiers, security, lighting, stage set up, and dressing rooms. But unlike most similar documents, Iggy's rider is written in a rollicking, stream-of-consciousness fashion that delivers multiple laughs per page. Apparently written by roadie Jos Grain, the Iggy rider is peppered with witty gems, tasteless asides, and typos. For example, in describing how Iggy's dressing room should be made to "look less like a typical rock & roll dressing room," the rider suggests that promoters "just let someone loose with a little bit of artistic flair...Er, do you know any homosexuals?" Explaining the need for two heavy duty fans, Grain notes, "So that I can wear a scarf and pretend to be in a Bon Jovi video." Also, don't miss the backstage requirement of a Bob Hope impersonator for Mr. Pop. (18 pages)

"Ate a BBQ pork sandwich, by mistake."

Was this the "Hey! Who ate my sandwich!?" kind of mistake or the "Nom nom nom... OMGWTFBBQ!?" type of mistake?

Rich's comment was the first time I have ever seen OMGWTFBBQ used where it literally made sense. Win.

Seconded. I cracked up for a good two minutes upon reading that. Rich wins several internets for that comment.

The M&Ms were Van Halen, except they wanted the brown ones removed. Allegedly it was used to test the promoter because of the size of their stage set, but David Lee Roth reportedly did use it as an excuse to trash a few dressing rooms.

The Smoking Gun does have a large collection of riders, some of which are amusing. Metallica, for example, insist forcefully on bacon with every meal, and Paul McCartney was fairly particular about the floral arrangements he wanted delivered backstage.

I was working with a nonprofit many years ago that was considering hiring Tom Paxton to do a benefit (unfortunately, we decided it would cost too much), but I got to see his rider. The most he asked for in the catering department was a pitcher of water.

Everything benefits from bacon. If I were as famous as Metallica, I would demand bacon, too :)

I'd never heard the theory that wacky rider clauses were actually to make sure the people in charge at the venue were actually reading the fine print. I always just assumed it was strictly an ego/power trip thing.

If I ever had the chance to make a rider, seriously, I'd probably ask for a representative sampling of cool local products--you know, if the city is known for its special beers, angora wool, or hand-blown glass objects. It would be a good way to get a flavor of the town I'm performing in even though I probably won't see much apart from the airport, the freeway, and the venue.

How do you say... delicious?

Ate a BBQ pork sandwich, by mistake.

Ah, now I understand the unwillingness to come to Memphis.

HODGMAN CALLED YOU BEAKER! Are you the Beaker to his Dr. Bunsen Honeydew?

Seriously. "Groove Is In The Heart." Cover it. I mean, "Baby Got Back" made you a legend, but channeling Q-Tip, Maceo Parker and Bootsy Collins can lead to nothing less than epic.

Heck ... get Lady Miss Kier to reprise her vocals on it. Yes. This is good.

Lavish! But no more than you deserve.

I have a beautiful white bowl like that one; I feed my cats loaves of disgusting fish-meat-byproducts in it.

Oh ok, I see. Now I know what to do when I get famous.

Even Dick Cheney has a rider. He requests Diet Caffeine Free Sprite (redundant) and the TV turned to FOX News.

I hope they remembered your official stalker (as per the rider) to scoot around the floor in front of the stage and take pictures.

So there I was, 10 minutes to show, and I needed to find enough brown M&M's to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouln't go on stage!

Sorry, but upon seeing that image, all I could think was 'Soylent Green is people!' Huh... On that note, make sure to have a bowl of doritos with all the green ones picked out, just in case.

Dangit.
Now I have groove is in the heart stuck in my head.

The riders aren't all insane diva demands... performers can find out the hard way that a venue is lacking in very basic ways, and without reasonable requirements spelled out can wind up in a pretty wretched environment, be it backstage, onstage, or wherever one ends up sleeping before the trip to the next gig.

Those who enjoyed Rich's comment would probably also enjoy this song by the great Luke Ski: http://www.thefump.com/lyrics.php?id=137